VHS : I Zombie - The Chronicles Of Pain [1997]

Rating: - you've got to see this!!!
Unbeleivable. I just read the other review of this and am wondering whether the guy who wrote it is friends with the guy who made it. Not only has he copied much of the review from the back of the box, but I can't believe he would describe it as "a masterpiece of low budget film-making". Nah, mate. Bad Taste is a masterpiece of low budget film-making. This is merely a full marks for effort piece.
I've got to say, when I read the back of the box on this, I thought, "I have GOT to watch this"...an attempt at making a completely serious zombie film with no humour and no in-jokes with social comment on urban degradation and isolation. Sounds brilliant. Shame. Where to start. First thing you notice is that the script is terrible - unimaginative and cumbersome. Furthermore, the acting is totally wooden with most of the characters simply too young to play the parts they have - check out the police detective at the beginning, a student wearing a raincoat. In fact, the best acting seemed to come from the woman who plays the estate agent, and as such is only in one scene.
Frankly, the idea of the film is magnificent, but it is executed badly. The "chronicles" which are basically the lead character's voice-over account of his slow descent into cannibalism and sickness can soon be seen to follow the pattern of "It's been six days since I last ate. The pain is terrible and I keep having convulsions". Man, you've got to see these convulsions. Convincing? Forget it. Also, the nearest this gets to touching on social problems and urban decay is a scene featuring a burnt out car.
I know that people often act irrationally in films, but I wonder why this guy decides NOT to go to a doctor when he realises he's turning a bit weird and falling apart. Then decides to disappear and not tell his wife anything...before kidnapping her...briefly - then again that might be an hallucination.
Then there are these documentary style parts where friends and family are interviewed - as if a film is being made about this man's disappearance. They are, however, totally pointless, since no one knows anything about what has happened (including the documenters - so why are they making this?)and all the interviewees have to say is "I don't know where he is. He must have needed some space. I don't know. He must have had a reason."
Now, i have watched this film twice...that's right. But how can it be that bad if I watched it twice? Well, I'll tell you. This is LITERALLY the worst film I have EVER seen, and as such it has to be seen to be believed - so I told some friends about it and they wanted to watch it too. I'm only disappointed that there's no option on here for "no stars", but I'll content myself with the fact that this review should reduce the average rating dramatically.
To be honest, it's almost moving at the end, looking at the guy's sad, disfigured face as he sits feeling sorry for himself, waiting until he can no longer patch himself up with pieces of metal that he bolts to his face or straps to his legs, but you're left wondering why he didn't try to get some kind of help earlier.
So are there any good points? The music is quite good, and the make-up while not particularly realistic is er...ok. Can't really think of an approrpiate word there - not for lack of vocabulary, I just don't want to make it sound better than it is.
Ok, contradiction time. I do recommend you watch this film. But it's absolute rubbish.

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Rating: - A MASTERPIECE OF LOW BUDGET FILM MAKING
While carrying out field research for his PHD, Mark is bitten on the neck by a woman he finds lying ill in a delapidated farmhouse. the bite causes Mark to contract a virus which decomposes his body and forces him to eat human flesh.

This is not really a zombie movie in the traditional sense. The zombie is not a walking corpse like those in the Romero or Fulci films, rather he is a living person whose body is decaying and who must eat human flesh in order to stop the agony that the virus causes him.

The story is told from the point of veiw of Mark and instead of being portrayed as a monster, he is seen as a lonely, pityful character that demands the sympathy of the viewer.

All in all an excellent independent horror film with a difference that will have many people reaching for the sick bucket.